What to do when those you work closely with make hurtful decisions or decisions you strongly disagree with?

Yes, this very thing can and does happen in Christian organizations and even in serving alongside friends at church.  The Lord doesn’t always protect us from disagreements and doesn’t want us to deny or isolate ourselves from it.  Conflict just happens.  Believers seek to uphold unity and selfless love but in reality we don’t always live harmoniously.

We’ve worked very closely in team relationships with full time Christian workers for over 20 years now.  As a whole, the experience has been wonderful.  Yet some days it feels like far too much fuss is made about things that really don’t matter that much. Other days not nearly enough fuss (productive fuss) is made about matters that are truly important.

So, disagreement happens.   How will I respond when it does happen?  These are lessons I am learning:

1) First, thank Jesus and bring God into the negative

Pray for those who made the decisions you disagree with.  By name, pray for the people who hurt you and lift up their heart to the Lord.   Seek to bless them.

2) Take initiative to reconcile

If the relationship is damaged, take the initiative to forgive, ask for forgiveness and go to them and seek to be reconciled.  It is very hard to be the first to reach out and reconcile when you’ve been hurt.  This is where the gospel is critical.  Jesus forgave us to provide the means and power for us to forgive others.   It doesn’t work without the cross.  But it also takes a very honest and sometimes lengthy commitment to repair a broken relationship.  Forgiveness can be relatively quick, yet rebuilding trust requires time and commitment.

3) Seek to listen and understand their point of view

Often people with many responsibilities make decisions under pressure.  Sometimes they have incomplete information or slanted information and yet a decision needs to be made.  Uncover the context from their perspective.

4) Lead change in the wake of decisions you disagree with

Find ways to lead change in one element of the decision that was made that you can believe in.  Look for the bright spots, hopeful places and opportunities this new decision has opened up.  Don’t attempt to revert everything to the way it was before or undermine the decision.

5) Lean into the process with your heart

Psalm 37 gives us a picture of a man who could be near the edge of brooding or anger over the evil plans or upright plans of those who “prosper in their way.”  The Psalmist says to be still, wait for the Lord, fret not, trust Him, commit your way to Him, delight yourself in Him with your heart and He will give you the desires of your heart.

I look in the mirror everyday.  I see a flawed, imperfect leader who truly desires to lead with God’s heart, but falls terribly short.  It’s inevitable that I will make poor decisions and even hurt people I care about.   I’m in process on learning how to follow flawed leaders and leading as a flawed leader myself.